Email, social media and text messaging are providing ways for divorced and separated couples to communicate about their children. However, this technology can also be used to manipulate, withhold information or otherwise inject hostility into communications. According to a recent university study, these practices negatively affect the children of the separated or divorced parents. Those going through a divorce should consider learning how to use this technology in a way that keeps the home environment safe and healthy.
The study involved interviews of 49 divorced parents about the relative cordiality or contentiousness of their divorce and ongoing relationship, with questions about parents' use of new communications technology.
Those with positive relationships primarily used new media to coordinate exchanges and activities with their children while those with negative relationships used the distance offered by new media to limit communication.
The study showed that common ways to use technology as a manipulative tool included using it to avoid confrontation, withhold information, or to control custody access. Parents reported pretending that they hadn't received emails, for instance. More positive ways involved using texting and email to co-parent and facilitate immediate, expedient and logistical communications. Parents in both positive and negative relationships used the technology to maintain records of mutual decisions as well as to maintain boundaries.
The negative effects on children included feeling reduced levels of comfort with either parent or being made to feel as though they had to pick sides in the ex-spouses' passive-aggressive relationship. Researchers suggested that parents take time to learn how to use technology to foster healthy communications in the early stages of their separation or divorce.
Source: Science Codex, "Divorced parents in hostile relationships use technology to sabotage communication, MU study finds," Aug. 27, 2012
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